My First Birthday Cake From Dad.

On my Dad's side of the family, birthdays weren't celebrated by my grandparents..but I knew that every time I brought a cake over on their birthday and lit the candle and hollered the happy birthday song at the top of my lungs -- I wouldn't be able to tell what's brighter, the candle, or my grandparent's giant grins. Every time I brought cake, they'd say 'Don't waste money', but the joy on their faces always told a different story.

Understandably, my Dad also stepped into not celebrating birthdays in the traditional way. We would have dinner to celebrate, but cake was never involved which was something I've become used to and never really expected it. To my surprise, this year, I got a text from my Dad saying: "Christina, how is your schedule? I plan to get you a birthday cake this year."I remember having to rub my eyes to see if I read that right because this man is allergic to spending money and feelings LOL!! I asked "How come?" and he said "Just to make it different." Needless to say my eyes were basically a faucet in seconds after reading this text in the middle of the day and it will be a "first" that I'll always remember.

I get emotional sharing this, because my Dad and I didn't really get to spend much time together growing up, and there's something to be said about our parents making an effort to connect, no matter the disagreements in the past. I remind myself that we are all doing life for the first time, and now that I've done A LOAD of inner work with my therapist (whom I keep saying I love you to by accident), I experience my time with my Dad with a lot more empathy and understanding.

So, when I got to my Dad's house after my birthday dinner, he playfully says "So Christina, something happened to your cake..." I go.. "Huh? What happened?" He beams "Well, Tom Tom (their dog) was walking too slow, so I sped up to the car with your cake, but then I tripped and the cake went flying, but I flew and caught it and nearly fell over myself!". His girlfriend Isabella chimes in and goes "Not you blaming the dog!! You were just clumsy on your own!"

So, he opens the cake box, and it's completely squished on the top left corner, with finger marks on the cake, you can see that he panicked and tried to move the cake back to the middle of the box. I wonder where I get my chaos from...LOOOL!!!??! I almost pee'd my pants from laughing. I couldn't believe he bought the cake and asked "Wait, did you pay full price for this?" He goes "Heck no, I got it fo 20% off after 5PM at Anna's Bakery", and that's when I said "now THATS my dad!!!"

I've been told that I am a resourceful person from some of my mentors and now I'm starting to see where I get it from, my Dad. I recently learned that my grandpa use to run a jade shop in Burma, before he got kicked out of his own shop during the war. I can see my Dad took on the resourcefulness mindset from my Grandpa, as frugality often stems from a place of scarcity, and at the time, my grandpa and grandma didn't come from wealth. My Dad is frugal because that is what he was taught his whole life, and understanding this has helped me connect more with my Dad over these past few years. Some might call it frugal, but I call it survival that turned into resourcefulness.

I used to believe that my Dad didn't love me because he couldn't love me in the ways I wanted him to (words of affirmation). It wasn't until I learned that we all give and receive love differently that I learned to reframe my thinking to: "he shows love a little differently, and that's okay". I kept trying to fight it in the beginning. For me, my Dad shows love through pebbling , gifting the most epic and hilarious finds in alley ways and sends photos to me every time he finds something. It would be months without contact and randomly I'd get a photo of a TV stand from some alley way, or a chair that he wants me to put in my little 470 sq ft apartment.

My place has 3 things from him already, and I won't stop accepting it because nothing will beat the look on his face when he sees that something he found, is being put to use. It's pretty adorable. That's become our new and fun way of bonding -- him sharing his best finds with me via whatsapp, me hyping him up, and taking a few things for my home (for the things that can fit). He sometimes forgets that I don't live in a giant house and tries to convince me to take a NEW TV stand, 3 chairs, and so much more hahahaha. I get a good giggle out of it, and in a way, it's healing that we find ways to laugh together. A long winded way of me saying that my dad's love language is pebbling, only that the pebbles are replaced with second had gems that he finds, through his PLUG who tells him whenever he sees things in the alleyways...

One memory I do have that I thought was hilarious was on Father's day. One year, he found a whole ass washing machine outside and said for father's day he wanted me to help him install it by holding the machine up while he would weasel his way under the machine to fix some bolts so that it would be working. My Dad's left eye is partially blind btw.. but I guess one can say that he's got an eye for freebies (MWAHAHA get it?). Nothing can get in the way of his joy for finding freebies. I strive to have this level of joy at his age, doing the most simplest of things.

If you can't tell already, my Dad is the Juicy Wisdom Nuggeteer of the month, and I couldn't be prouder to feature him in this little love letter. He is far from perfect and I've grown to accept every part of him. My dad isn't a physically affectionate person, and has never been. But I am, and after years of forcing hugs and "I love yous", he now waits a bit before I leave his house -- for me to give him a big embrace and a peck on the cheek. The other day I I yelled "LOVE YOU!" as I walking out the door and for fun, I said "Hey say it back!" and he goes "heh heh ... love you too -immediately slams door-" I remember chuckling during the walk to my car, thinking "HA! I WON!". One 'I love you' at a time, I’m breaking the cycle.

Oh, and also, please enjoy my Dad's finds over this past year in the pics below hehe

I was running out of space for my clothes and he found me a dresser!! It now holds all my sweaters and workout clothes - it was so timely, and honestly saves me money as I am ballin' on a budget right now haha

This little coffee table was not blue at first. He claims this blue colour is very trendy so he painted this for me, along with 3 other lamps he found <3