"Do I choose to" or "Do I have to?"

For the past few weeks, I’ve been marinating about burnout.

Something pivotal happened at ETE recently and I think it lit a fire under my ass.

Being overwhelmed became so normal that I genuinely forgot how to be anything but overwhelmed. I don’t think we realize how overwhelmed we are until we take an intentional breath.Like… a real one.

Because life is loud! Our days are full! We wake up thinking about our TA-DA lists. Your mind barely gets a second to breathe. You go through your day ticking of f those ta-da lists like a god damn magician, carrying all the weight, solving problems, responding to messages, trying to be a good leader, friend, daughter, partner, …and then BAM somehow, you’re wide awake at night thinking about it. And after that repeats 315109 times, it just becomes the norm??

Your nervous system being loud becomes the default setting.

For the first time in 8 years since ETE’s story began, I started realizing: maybe it’s not actually supposed to feel like that all the time. Don’t get me wrong -- building anything meaningful requires grit, persistence, sacrifice, and passion. Especially in social innovation. There are peak seasons. Hard seasons. “We’re gonna eat a granola bar for dinner and survive off adrenaline” seasons.

But what really opened my eyes was something my epic team lead asked during a wellness check-in:

“If your wellness was a forecast, what would the weather be?”

Our team is funny as heck, so naturally people gave some creative answers.

Some talked about incoming storms. Others said they could “see sun” but somehow it still felt cloudy. Some joked about emergency weather warnings and catastrophies like earthquakes and meteor attacks.

We laughed together... and through the humour, there was honesty.

And hearing everyone share so openly lit a fire under my ass. Because a truth bomb landed on me...subconsciously, I had started becoming the kind of workplace culture I never wanted to create, having been a part of one in my past life. Wild how these things can sneak up on you like that subconsciously? You know the kind.The ones that say “mental health matters” and “no burnout!”…but the workload somehow never changes.

OOF. That realization opened up my eyes and hurt.

Because this has been an area of growth that keeps coming back around for me. Different outfit. Same boss battle.

And while I know perfectionism loves whispering “you should’ve figured this out by now,” I’m slowly learning that the purpose of life isn’t to rid myself of my human quirks, but rather, learning how to face our patterns with a little more courage each time they return.

Like a video game boss!! They’re always gonna be there.Just with slightly stronger armor and increasingly dramatic background music DUN DUN DUN

So now I’m wondering:

What if the goal isn’t to eliminate burnout completely?

What if the goal is to be-friend it?

Not glorify it. Not surrender to it. But understand it enough that when it knocks on the door again -- usually disguised as “hard-working,” “helpful,” or “just one more thing” -- we recognize it sooner and we're like HAAA I SEE YOU!

Maybe the visitor still shows up sometimes. But maybe over time, it stays for shorter visits. ;)

One of my biggest catalysts for burnout is over-giving and not knowing what my limit is. And lately I’ve been learning the difference between intentional giving and over-giving.

Intentional giving feels grounded. It comes from choice and autonomy.

As an example, I chose to start ETE. I chose to build something hard and meaningful because I deeply care about people and community and creating spaces where nobody gets left behind.

On the flip side, over-giving happens when the choice disappears.

When we lead with: “I have to.”

That’s when resentment quietly sneaks in through the back door and jump scares you LOL

And this part has been working my brain lately:

We can still choose to do hard things.

We can choose to show up for sick family members.Choose to support our communities.

But the moment stealth expectations start getting placed onto us… the moment obligation replaces agency… that’s usually the moment we need to pause and practice saying no.

And if I’m being really honest with myself, I think a part of my over-giving came from believing my value was tied to how useful, dependable, or self-sacrificing I could be.

Like if I just gave enough, helped enough, achieved enough, carried enough… then maybe I’d finally feel “enough” too.

OOF. Therapy nuggets incoming LOL

One thing I know about myself is that I do love hard and I'm proud of that

I care deeply. I root for my people deeply. I feel deeply. That’s not something I want to change about myself.

But I think one of the biggest breakthroughs for me lately is realizing that love no longer needs to be earned.Like… WHAT IN THE CHICKEN BUTT?

To believe I am loved as I am. That my worth is innate, that I have nothing to prove.

That I don’t need to constantly prove my worth through productivity, sacrifice, usefulness, or overextending myself into the ground. That’s new territory for me.

Today, I chose to see my family for dim sum and leave early afterward to prioritize rest and errands.I chose to celebrate someone important to me with a two-part adventure day because it genuinely brought me joy.

And strangely enough, those intentional choices felt healthier than saying yes to everything.

I’m sensing a new horizon incoming. A chapter of sustainability.

One where we stop romanticizing exhaustion as proof that we care.

One where we realize we were never meant to carry everything alone.

One where we don’t have to do it all to still be worthy of love, impact, rest, or belonging.

And honestly?

I think that might be the most rebellious thing of all!!