"Healing is saying every single version of me deserves love" - Britt Piper

I'm writing this with a load of love to the humans who strive to become the best version of themselves and believe in continuous improvement.

For as long as I can remember I've been knee deep into the world of self-help and personal development. It's the reason why I got into counselling -- I wanted to become better, "heal" from all my wounds, lead with self-acceptance, and be released from any guilt and shame that's been anchoring me down. I defined healing as shedding the dark and leading with the light.

Recently, I came across Britt Piper's (nuggeteer of the month!) words that changed my definition of healing; it's been one of the most insightful reframes to date.

These are her words:

"Healing is not becoming the best version of yourself, healing is letting the worst version of yourself be loved. So many of us have turned healing into this super perfect version of ourselves. That is bondage. That is anxiety waiting to happen.

Healing is saying every version of me deserves loves, deserves tenderness, deserves grace. When we get to a place where we see and can empathize with every version of ourselves even the version of ourselves that we can sometimes be ashamed with, that's when we know we're walking on a path of healing."

- Britt Piper (Trauma Expert and Somatic Practitioner)

Hearing this quote really got me thinking about how we define healing. As a lover of analogies, the first thing that comes to mind is a physical wound. A wound hurts in the beginning and we sit in the discomfort. Then, maybe we throw some polysporin on it, add a bandaid... and a scab forms. And even then, the scab takes time to harden, fall off, and eventually leaving a scar behind. That scar never really goes away, and like my dear friend Maryam shared in one of her epic poems, the scars tell a story.

If I were to bridge this analogy with Britt Piper's words, I'd say that our wounds are a part of us, they too, deserve grace, tenderness and love. It's been a journey unlearning the concept of only favouring specific parts of ourselves, and re-learning how to hold the darker parts of myself with more empathy and compassion.

I still sit in awe thinking about how we as one human hold a collection of "selves". I'm chuckling to myself because as I'm typing this I'm imagining a fashion run way, each dressed up in the "version" of our silly selves haha. I imagine a person walking down the runway, literally dressed in pillows because I have a "sleep 15 hour" self, or another walking down dressed in red everywhere when I don't have any more battery to give. I remind myself that every piece of this collection is worthy to be held with unconditional acceptance.

An example of one of my darker selves (she's got main character energy) is.. well I call her the "Stone Wallin Skylar". She's an expert at protecting herself from feeling any form of hurt. So whenever conflict happened, she would shut down, ignore people for weeks, and avoid conversation.

A lil baby step manual on how I've been learning to hold the Stone Wallin Skylar version of myself with more compassion and grace when she pulls up into my head

1. Oh hey, Stone Wallin Skylar, I see you (Acknowledgement)

2. I know what you're trying to do - you're hurting, and you're trying to protect yourself from feeling any more discomfort. I know it's hard. (Validation)

3. Thank you for protecting me from feelings of discomfort. (Gratitude)

4. With alot of love, your protection served my baby self (inner child), and it no longer serves my adult self. By doing this, we are repeating old cycles and will not allow you to have thriving relationships (Re-frame)

5. You're welcome to stay for a bit, but not for too long (Sit with the Discomfort)

6. Adult self will take small steps to do things a little differently (Baby Step Actions)

I struggled with #6 the most. And then I reminded myself that when things are hard, it's not because I'm incapable, it's because it's unfamiliar. Taking baby steps started as small as naming it, and messaging the person I was in conflict with and saying: "Hey ___, old me would've just stonewalled you for a week and avoided conversation. I'm trying to do things differently. It's hard, and I'm upset, would it be okay if we checked in in a few days time? I love you, and we will figure this out soon"

That's all I got for now.

Shimmys and 20 second hugs,

Christina